FRIENDSHIP

How does one define freindship?? I think the simple definition is when people know all about you, but like you anyway. I think you need freinds as much as you need your food. I don't mean fake freinds. Real freinds. I remember back in the days when i used to think that it was fine being alone. I felt that i could take on everything by myself, & i convinced myself that i was fine being alone. Without freinds. Not that i did not want freinds but i did not know who to trust. You get me? It made me feel sad. I later realised that by sharing some of my burdens & anger with real freinds, i feel way much better. I know that my problem have not been solved but it just made me feel better inside.

You know, when i was younger, i used to think i was a quiet person cos i had no one to talk to. I read a lot of books & i felt better reading them. In one of the 1st posts i wrote when i started this blog, i talked about the issue of RACISM. In the post, i mentioned that i went to a girls private school the first time i came to school in England. That was were my loneliness began. Back at home in Nigeria, i had loads of frreinds from my old school & people always wanted to hang around with me. I was "Popular". I put it in quote cos i hate that word.

So, it was a change for me when i came here cos first of all i was surrounded my loads of white faces & they were so different from me. We were brought up in different ways. What i found funny, they didn't. What they found funny, i did not find funny. Lucky i had a room to myself in the dorms so i would always lock myself in the room. I hated school because i could not fit in. I was always chosen last for anything. I felt at first that it was because there were not laods of blacks there (it was the countryside), but later i changed my mind. They just didn't like me. I didn't like them too. I still keep in contact with some of the girls (who i could stand then). Not necessarily because i like them but because we do not know what the future brings.

Things have changed alot for me. Now i'm all loud & bubbly & people are always like to me "i thought you were quiet" & i would be like "yeah i thought so too". I talk so much that my friends tell me "ok, shut up". This is all because i kept so many things inside me & felt that i could combat loneliness but now i know bettter. It took time for me to get to where i am now, but i'm happy i've got there. I've got amazing freinds who i know are real & would be there for me. God knew that Adam would be lonely if he was alone, so he gave him Eve.

Yeah i have fights with my freinds but thats what freinds do; fight and then make up. If you have a freind that does not tell you the truth, they are not real. Being "REAL" is very important. If you have a good freind, cherish that person/people. Freinds are a gift from God.

Hey guyz! sorry i've been out for so long. Missed blogging alot. Will be back very soon with new updates!! Thanks to everybody who wished me a Happy belated birthday! & to Ugo who kept telling me to update, i will be back like i said with new updates!! Take care people! *Mwaah*
xxx Chidi xxx

"SUN GIRLS" AGAIN!!

I like what she's wearing.....

hmmmm........no comment

Green, white, & Green???.....Nigerian flag....Maybe it was Independence day!

I have nothing bad to say about her

Hmm...i think her dress looks like those Serena Williams wears to play tennis. What do you guys think???

Cowgirl, or what???????????????

NO COMMENT..............

Definetly underdressed.........what do you think???

Everybody was fung fu fighting!!!!!

She just woke from sleep!!!

Dnt know what to say..............

PS- my birthday has come and gone (20th june). I thank God for my life & everything he has done for me. Stay blessed!!!

DESPERATE TO GET MARRIED

Today, i decided to write about women willing to do anything to get married. I think marriage should be something that we go into with our eyes open not closed. What i mean by this is that we should know what we are getting into when we say we want to get married. These days, from what i heard, a lot of women do all sort of stuff so as to be able to get married because the society they live in makes them feel that they are not complete without a man by their side. Because of this, there are cases of women getting married to people who are meant to be their fathers, other women try to snatch their friends husbands from them & the list goes on & on.

I have a distant relation called Ada. I never knew that she existed until the day we went up to Scotland to visit my uncle. When we got there, she was introduced to us as our "sister". I have never met anyone so desperate to get married in my entire life till i met her. She kept talking about getting married, husband this, husband that. She also told me & my sis that she was not married yet not because she did not have any suitors but she wanted to finish her education. All the while, i was like "mehn, whats with all the husband talk?"
My uncle had this friend who was a footballer & he always came to visit my uncle. I then noticed that each time he came to the house, Ada would go & change into shorts & cropped or spaghetti tops. The funny thing was that all the while, the guy never even looked at her. This guy is like a very serious Church goer & he attends my uncle's church. One day, the guy came again to the house & as usual she changed to come out & meet him. I never knew my uncle noticed what she was doing & in front of the guy he screamed at her to go & change back into what she was wearing. I felt so embarrassed for her. To cut the story short, she failed in getting the guy. She kept telling me & my sis that by the end of that year, she would get married. We were like whatever!!! We then left Scotland & came back to London. Around 4 months later, i got a call from my uncle. I've tried to remember everything my uncle said to me that day but i can't (obviously) but here is what i remember:

UNCLE: Chidi how are you?

ME: I'm fine. What about J & J (his children)??

UNCLE: They are all fine. I just wanted to tell you that Ada is married now.

ME: Eh???? Ada is what?? Wasn't it just a few months back we left. What happened?

UNCLE: She got married to this business man who is in his early forties. (Mind you, this girl was in her early twenties). You are shocked right?

ME: Shocked ke? That is small compared to what I'm feeling now. I knew she wanted to get married but i did not expect her to get married so quick

UNCLE: you know its not her fault. Her parents have been pressuring her to get married so that she can take care of them.

I was so surprised. I knew the girl was desperate but i never knew she was that desperate. It doesn't end there. I got a call from her months later.

Ada: Chidi ke kwanu (how are you)?

Me: I'm fine how are you?

Ada: I'm fine. I just called to tell you that i got married & I'm pregnant (she did not know my uncle had already told me this. But i was surprised about the pregnant bit. I mean, so fast?) Remember i told you & O (my sis) that i would get married before the end of the year? (i can feel her smiling as she says this)

Me: Congratulations! I never knew you would get married so quick. I'll tell O.

Ada: ok, Bye!

She just called to tell me that she was married? I didn't get it. Was she that desperate? Did she expect me to start jumping up about shouting "Yes, Ada is married?"
I think its very sad that parents & society pressure women into marrying. Many women marry for the wrong reasons like money, age, comfort etc. I think that all this is due to Ignorance. There's something my dad says in igbo but it literally means that its good to have "gone out". He means gone out of Nigeria to experience other cultures & people so we know things others don't know. People abroad do well as single mothers, some women don't even want to get married. I don't mean that we don't need men. NO. I mean we as women do not have to think that without men, we are not complete.

QUESTION

There was this story i heard about some writer like that, who was married to a Jamaican guy who was like i think more than 10 years her junior. The guy later left her for another guy. As if that wasn't enough, he took her to court cause he wanted a settlement from the woman. The woman (don't remember her name) wrote a book about it, & i heard about this from the Oprah show. The woman & the guy both came to the show & she was telling Oprah that the guy married her for her money & to get an American Passport.The guy said that that was not the case. the woman then said that she was sure that the guy knew he was gay when he married her. Oprah asked if he knew he was gay & he couldn't answer. The story goes on & on but thats not the point. I just mentioned this because it will lead me to the question i would like to ask you guys.

QUESTION: What would you do if someone you were dating left you for another person of the same sex??? How would you feel??? Send in your thoughts & comments.

HOW LONG SHOULD COURTSHIP LAST??

I've been sitting here for ages now trying to think of something to blog about, but my brain is not responding at the moment. Maybe it will later on, but for now its not so i decided to read the Nigerian newspapers online. I checked THE PUNCH newspaper's online site (www.punchng.com). I came across a post asking talking about how long courtship should last & they gave different stories of people wanting to get married but their families not agreeing because they felt that the courtship wasn't long enough. Here is one:

Agnes was in a fix. Having dated Steve for seven months, they agreed on a registry wedding. Agne's parents agreed because she had just turned 32 but Steve's father disagreed. He said they should wait 2 years to discover each others likes, dislikes & to understand each other well enough.
"But i've made the old man realise that we know ourselves inside out. I've spent many weekends at Steve's place; we quarelled, settled scores & understand each other well. We begged the old man and assured him of our love for each other. At a point, he said we should wait for seven more months. I was shocked because by then, i would be past my 3rd trimester. we had decided not to tell him that i was expecting Steve's baby. I was getting agitated but Steve begged me to be patient with his father, who was an Anglican priest."
"We want a registry wedding because of the pregnancy & needed to speed things up because we planned to hide this from everyone", she said.

What do you guys think?? Do you think the guys father was wrong to tell them to wait for 2 years to get to know each other better? Personally i don't think so because with the rate of divorces each year & people living an unhappy life in their homes, i think its worth having a long courtship to understand the person you are going to end up with. But i would like your opinions on this. How long should a courtship last? What about people who are in long distance relationships? Should long or short courtship apply to them? What about if the man or woman says that they can't wait long. What will you do? What if you are pregnant (as in the story above) what then will you do? Will you marry the guy quickly or wait to get to know him better even if it means you entering your "3rd trimester" (as in the story above)????

IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

L You know, we all tell ourselves that life is too short to be unhappy, to be miserable, etc. I know i say that to myself like everyday but still i'm not doing anything different.

I remember asking my myself, what if i died today, what would i have achieved? What would i be remembered for? Would people miss me? Am i going to go to hell? Each day, i tell myself that i must change things in my life but each time, i realise i'm still doing the same thing i vowed to stop doing. If i died today, what would i have achieved? All i have ever done with my life is go to school, sleep, move from one country to another. Same thing.

I do beleive that God is keeping me alive for some reason or else i would have been dead since. I remember the first experience that i had when i almost looked death in the face was when we (i mean my family) were travelling to some state in 9ja that i don't remember at the moment. I was around 8 because i remember that my last brother was just born then. I was not sitting with my family but away from them. I don't remember why. The plane started having problems because there was bad weather. I remember people in the plane were crying & screaming. Our househelp (she was like part of our family) was clutching my brother & praying & my mother was praying. When it became too much for her, she started crying. I could not see my other sisters or dad. I remember one of the air hostess, walked up to me & buckled my seat belt & said to me, "dont worry, nothing will happen". I did not get what she was on about and i didn't understand why the plane kept shaking. I was not crying, but i was clutching my can drink with brutal force cos i didn't want it to fall cause i liked the drink. I remember, when the plane landed, everybody was clapping & couldn't wait to get off the plane. I would have died that day if not for God. My life is not worth more than the other dead people or the other ones who have died in Plane crashes like the "BELLVIEW" & "SOSOLISO" crashes in 9ja.

Another brush i had was when we came back to 9ja & i got this really bad malaria. I used to laugh because the white people treat malaria as if its cancer, but i stopped it after that. I got so sick that to get up from my bed was a very big problem & i felt as if someone was hitting m head with a hammer because of the headaches. As if that wasn't enough, i ended up being in the same room with a snake. i mean a viper. Only God knows how it entered our house talkless of getting on top of my cupboard. I never knew snakes climbed walls. If my sis did not come into the room & go near the cupbaord, only God can say what would have happenned to me. I thanked God because the snake was in the room with me (the lights were off cos it gave me more headache) for God knows how long & it didn't bite me. So you see, if the snake didn't kill me, the malaria would have killed me for sure but i'm now here blogging about it.

I look back at all this & tell myself things have to change in my life. From now on, i need to do things that i want. I'm tired of doing what everybody wants me to do & i'm tired of being unhappy. I might disappoint some people along the way, & maybe make wrong discisions along the way. But its my life. If i make mistakes, i will learn from them. We don't live life twice in this world (this is my belief) so we have to take control of our destinys. When i finally die, i want to look back at my life (wherever dead people go) & be content with myself. I don't want to be somebody who has so much and still have nothing. I want to leave the earth knowing that i am at peace with myself, that i am no more in pursuit of happiness (because i am now happy) & that i'm somebody my children would be proud of.

P.S- I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while. I started this blog in januaty & i've just had 29 posts. I need to commit more to this blog & i will. At least till i get bored of it.