Sunday, June 17, 2007


Today, i decided to write about women willing to do anything to get married. I think marriage should be something that we go into with our eyes open not closed. What i mean by this is that we should know what we are getting into when we say we want to get married. These days, from what i heard, a lot of women do all sort of stuff so as to be able to get married because the society they live in makes them feel that they are not complete without a man by their side. Because of this, there are cases of women getting married to people who are meant to be their fathers, other women try to snatch their friends husbands from them & the list goes on & on.

I have a distant relation called Ada. I never knew that she existed until the day we went up to Scotland to visit my uncle. When we got there, she was introduced to us as our "sister". I have never met anyone so desperate to get married in my entire life till i met her. She kept talking about getting married, husband this, husband that. She also told me & my sis that she was not married yet not because she did not have any suitors but she wanted to finish her education. All the while, i was like "mehn, whats with all the husband talk?"
My uncle had this friend who was a footballer & he always came to visit my uncle. I then noticed that each time he came to the house, Ada would go & change into shorts & cropped or spaghetti tops. The funny thing was that all the while, the guy never even looked at her. This guy is like a very serious Church goer & he attends my uncle's church. One day, the guy came again to the house & as usual she changed to come out & meet him. I never knew my uncle noticed what she was doing & in front of the guy he screamed at her to go & change back into what she was wearing. I felt so embarrassed for her. To cut the story short, she failed in getting the guy. She kept telling me & my sis that by the end of that year, she would get married. We were like whatever!!! We then left Scotland & came back to London. Around 4 months later, i got a call from my uncle. I've tried to remember everything my uncle said to me that day but i can't (obviously) but here is what i remember:

UNCLE: Chidi how are you?

ME: I'm fine. What about J & J (his children)??

UNCLE: They are all fine. I just wanted to tell you that Ada is married now.

ME: Eh???? Ada is what?? Wasn't it just a few months back we left. What happened?

UNCLE: She got married to this business man who is in his early forties. (Mind you, this girl was in her early twenties). You are shocked right?

ME: Shocked ke? That is small compared to what I'm feeling now. I knew she wanted to get married but i did not expect her to get married so quick

UNCLE: you know its not her fault. Her parents have been pressuring her to get married so that she can take care of them.

I was so surprised. I knew the girl was desperate but i never knew she was that desperate. It doesn't end there. I got a call from her months later.

Ada: Chidi ke kwanu (how are you)?

Me: I'm fine how are you?

Ada: I'm fine. I just called to tell you that i got married & I'm pregnant (she did not know my uncle had already told me this. But i was surprised about the pregnant bit. I mean, so fast?) Remember i told you & O (my sis) that i would get married before the end of the year? (i can feel her smiling as she says this)

Me: Congratulations! I never knew you would get married so quick. I'll tell O.

Ada: ok, Bye!

She just called to tell me that she was married? I didn't get it. Was she that desperate? Did she expect me to start jumping up about shouting "Yes, Ada is married?"
I think its very sad that parents & society pressure women into marrying. Many women marry for the wrong reasons like money, age, comfort etc. I think that all this is due to Ignorance. There's something my dad says in igbo but it literally means that its good to have "gone out". He means gone out of Nigeria to experience other cultures & people so we know things others don't know. People abroad do well as single mothers, some women don't even want to get married. I don't mean that we don't need men. NO. I mean we as women do not have to think that without men, we are not complete.