IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

L You know, we all tell ourselves that life is too short to be unhappy, to be miserable, etc. I know i say that to myself like everyday but still i'm not doing anything different.

I remember asking my myself, what if i died today, what would i have achieved? What would i be remembered for? Would people miss me? Am i going to go to hell? Each day, i tell myself that i must change things in my life but each time, i realise i'm still doing the same thing i vowed to stop doing. If i died today, what would i have achieved? All i have ever done with my life is go to school, sleep, move from one country to another. Same thing.

I do beleive that God is keeping me alive for some reason or else i would have been dead since. I remember the first experience that i had when i almost looked death in the face was when we (i mean my family) were travelling to some state in 9ja that i don't remember at the moment. I was around 8 because i remember that my last brother was just born then. I was not sitting with my family but away from them. I don't remember why. The plane started having problems because there was bad weather. I remember people in the plane were crying & screaming. Our househelp (she was like part of our family) was clutching my brother & praying & my mother was praying. When it became too much for her, she started crying. I could not see my other sisters or dad. I remember one of the air hostess, walked up to me & buckled my seat belt & said to me, "dont worry, nothing will happen". I did not get what she was on about and i didn't understand why the plane kept shaking. I was not crying, but i was clutching my can drink with brutal force cos i didn't want it to fall cause i liked the drink. I remember, when the plane landed, everybody was clapping & couldn't wait to get off the plane. I would have died that day if not for God. My life is not worth more than the other dead people or the other ones who have died in Plane crashes like the "BELLVIEW" & "SOSOLISO" crashes in 9ja.

Another brush i had was when we came back to 9ja & i got this really bad malaria. I used to laugh because the white people treat malaria as if its cancer, but i stopped it after that. I got so sick that to get up from my bed was a very big problem & i felt as if someone was hitting m head with a hammer because of the headaches. As if that wasn't enough, i ended up being in the same room with a snake. i mean a viper. Only God knows how it entered our house talkless of getting on top of my cupboard. I never knew snakes climbed walls. If my sis did not come into the room & go near the cupbaord, only God can say what would have happenned to me. I thanked God because the snake was in the room with me (the lights were off cos it gave me more headache) for God knows how long & it didn't bite me. So you see, if the snake didn't kill me, the malaria would have killed me for sure but i'm now here blogging about it.

I look back at all this & tell myself things have to change in my life. From now on, i need to do things that i want. I'm tired of doing what everybody wants me to do & i'm tired of being unhappy. I might disappoint some people along the way, & maybe make wrong discisions along the way. But its my life. If i make mistakes, i will learn from them. We don't live life twice in this world (this is my belief) so we have to take control of our destinys. When i finally die, i want to look back at my life (wherever dead people go) & be content with myself. I don't want to be somebody who has so much and still have nothing. I want to leave the earth knowing that i am at peace with myself, that i am no more in pursuit of happiness (because i am now happy) & that i'm somebody my children would be proud of.

P.S- I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while. I started this blog in januaty & i've just had 29 posts. I need to commit more to this blog & i will. At least till i get bored of it.

CHURCH BUSINESS

May is here....Hurray!!!! Not! I know this month just started but i don't see anything special about it. My life has not changed in any way. Still the same........boring... but i just thank God that at least i am alive to see May. With the rate people are dying in the world at the moment, & the amount of disasters that occur each day, one should be very thankful to see each new day. So yeah..........now to get on with what i want to talk about...... CHURCHES. This posts shows my opinion on the flocks of churches in Nigeria. You do not have to agree with me. We all have a right to our own opinions. Here goes: (Excuse the typos)

There has been a rise in the amount of churches in 9ja so one gets confused as to which church to go to. You also see people performing different sorts of miracles. Some i find very hard to believe to be real. I have to admit that i am not a church goer. I think the last time i stepped into a church was back in naija & that was like way back. Me not going to church does not make me less religious than someone who goes to church. Actually i pray very well but i believe in praying at home. No church for me. Why??? Because there are so many things going on at the moment. People perform all sorts of miracles in church, then everybody rushes to that church, then the next thing you know, we find out that they pastor is a ritual killer or something. I remember my mom always used to tell us that it does not matter if the pastor is an adulterer, a ritual killer or whatever, because we are not going to the church to worship the pastor but God but i strongly disagree & i told her that. I believe people's churches & pastors influence them. The church that my parents were going to when i was born was run by this really popular pastor who every one was going on & on about. This pastor died when he was having sex with a woman that wasn't his wife. What does that tell us???
So many things i see put me off going to churches. I don't know if you guyz know about this christian channel called "LOVEWORLD" owned by pastor Chris Oyakilome of CHRIST EMBASSY. I came across this channel a while back & i watch it with intensity. My mom tried making me come to Christ Embassy with her but i refused. Later on, i started watching pastor Chris preach & i was like wow, this guy knows what he is talking about. I was actually tempted to go to the church with my mom (my mom has been to like all the churches in the world i believe) but then i noticed something while watching the LOVEWORLD channel & this put me off. Its not like i'm paranoid or something but my sisters & brothers noticed the same thing as well (they watch the channel also & we all share the same beliefs about the going to church thing). Well i noticed that all the top pastors in the church (including pastor chris himself & his brother Rev ken) all spotted the same hairstyle......Jerry-curled hair. I know some people would say so what??? But the thing is that i have never been to any church (trust me, i have been to laods because of my mom) where all the top pastors spotted the same hair style. Personally, i felt there was something behind it & so did my family (except my mom of cause). Even my dad (he watches the LOVEWORLD channel too) had something to say about it. I just found it absolutely weird & i was like, i'm never going to that church or any other church. Fine they do the miracles, barren women get pregnant, the blind end up seeing but so what??? Sometimes yes the miracles do bring tears to our eyes because you are so happy for the healed people i do find some of the miracles & testimonies dodgy. There was one where a guy said that he was born without testicles & as prayer was going on his testicles appeared fron no where. I'm sorry but i find it incredibly hard to beleive. Did he put his hands insides his pants as the prayers were going on to know if his testicles have reappered? One other woman said that she had lumps in her breasts but as prayers were going on, it dissapeared. Both the man & woman's miracles happned during a crusade as prayer was going on & immediately they recieved their miracles, they came up to the podium to give their testimonies. Did the woman take off her bra in the middle of the crusade to check for the lumps or did the guy put down his pants in the middle of the crusade (mind you there are like thousands of people there) to check if his testicles had reappeared? And can men be alive without their testicles in-tact???? In my previous post, i talked about the guy cutting his penis off. I'm sure he would have been dead if it wasn't reattached in the end so how did this guy live without testicles since he was born? My dad says that sometimes some of the miracles are real while he believes that the other people are paid by the pastors to say they recieved miracles.
I would have to say i'm sorry if this post upsets any church goer or Christ Embassy goer. I know God said we should not judge but there are some things that we see that one just has talk about. I'm not saying going to church is wrong, but i also don't believe that by not going to church, i'm commiting a great sin or my prayers won't be answered by God. This days people use churches as a way of making money thereby decieving the people who come into their churches.